WASH OR BUY THE DISHES?

Dad wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He never washed dishes a day in his life because God blessed him with two sisters and two daughters. The blessings stopped suddenly when Dad found out his one and only wife was Nobody’s Fool.

After two years in Germany, Aunt Mary’s husband’s next assignment was at White Sands Proving Grounds Military Base. When they moved to New Mexico with their three children, Mom’s favorite sister, begged us to visit. “We are so lonely, she cried!” The next thing I knew my brother, sister, Mom and I were on a train eating our way across America from Salamanca, New York to El Paso Texas. Mom planned to stay three months and even enroll us in school. Why would Dad let us go for so long? Did they have a fight? Were they getting divorced?

One thing my Mom never lacked on land, sea or air was food. So naturally, she cooked for one week then wrapped and packed everything into boxes and containers. The booty tucked above our seats and under our feet included: veal cutlets, fried chicken, provolone cheese, pepperoni, life savers, bubble gum, candy, popcorn and salami sandwiches on buttered thick Italian bread. Passengers thought the smorgasbord smell was coming from the dining car. We couldn't afford sleeping berths so all-night we rocked back and forth, wrestling sleep demons, accompanied by the rattling of the iron wheels on the tracks.

The adobe ranch-style house in Las Cruces, New Mexico, was a Welcome House for family, neighbors and friends. My cousin Joan and I were nine and our two older sisters were fifteen. The driving age was 14 so the cousins piled in the back of a pick up truck with my oldest sister’s boyfriend behind the wheel. He left a trail of dust while zooming to the local ice cream shack. My younger cousins and I spied on our sisters who kissed the boys behind the white sheets drying on the clothesline. These stolen daytime kisses had to be carefully timed because Aunt Mary took the sheets off the line before supper. If caught the Kisser’s alibi was Hide and Seek.

Our freedom routinely ended every Friday night when my uncle, Sergeant Clarence Franklin Johnson, Military Police, United States Army, arrived home for the weekend. Uncle Sergeant aka General Patton routinely spitting out orders to his wife and Mom. Sunday night his troops breathed sighs of relief when Sergeant yelled the farewell command--“Keep the girls away from the boys!”

After three months Dad missed us very much and the feeling was mutual. Since we were also tired of Sergeant Clarence and the dry, flat land we boarded the train to Salamanca. When Dad picked us up at the train station it was a Walton family reunion. Then Mom and Dad embraced warmly for a long time recreating the end of a 1940’s movie. It was Home Sweet Home Pennsylvania! What a thrill to again be safely surrounded by the cool, lovely, green foliage of the Allegheny Forest.

The movie ended when the Walton’s stepped into their kitchen. Dirty dishes, pots, pans, lids and glasses strewn all over the sink, table, kitchen counters and even on the floor. Dad so desperate ate meals off the lids of the kettles. Mom went on a rampage. “I’ll show you,’ she screamed while smashing every ounce of moldy food-coated glass and tossing the pieces all over the floor. “Are you crazy?” hollered Dad. The terrified Walton children quickly dashed to the porch safely dodging the line of fire. At the height of her destructive insanity, Mom screamed at Dad like a hyena.” For three months you couldn’t wash a dish? Now you’ll have to buy them!”

Amazingly, this story had a fairy tale ending. They lived happily ever after for forty-five more years, with Dad eagerly washing the dishes.