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The dog with the bone is always in danger. - American Proverb Success is a great deodorant. - Elizabeth Taylor Can any plausible excuse be found for the crime of creating the human race? - Mark Twain Politics - A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. - Robert Wilensky Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug. - Mark Knopfler Peace - In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. - Ambrose Bierce (1911) The World War after the next one will be fought with rocks. - Albert Einstein Politicians - a set of men who have interests aside from the interests of the people, and who, to say the most of them, are, taken as a mass, at least one long step removed from honest men. I say this with the greater freedom because, being a politician myself, none can regard it as personal. - Abraham Lincoln Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. - P. J. O'Rourke Advertising - The driving force behind supply-and-demand economics: the stimulation of demand for useless products through the supply of misleading claims. - Chaz Bufe You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements. - Norman Douglas (1917) Corporation - An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. - Ambrose Bierce The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. - J. Paul Getty Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired
by age eighteen. Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. "200 Dead as Number Three Slams Ashore" is not nearly as interesting a headline as "Charlie Kills 200." Death is much more satisfying and entertaining if you personalize it. - George Carlin Perhaps the best cure for the fear of death is to reflect that life has a beginning as well as an end. There was a time when you were not: that gives us no concern. Why then should it trouble us that a time will come when we shall cease to be? To die is only to be as we were before we were born. - William Hazlitt, Table Talk (1821-1822) If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. - James Thurber I have always thought the nuclear threat was blown way out of proportion. I have a feeling our descendants are going to look back at all this nuclear hysteria from the bottom of their toxic-waste dumps and laugh their feelers off. Philosophically, I would much rather die in a nuclear holocaust along with three or four hundred million of my fellow world citizens than die alone in the gutter from some chemical-induced cancer. I suppose that's because I'm basically a people person. - A. Whitney Brown Life is short but there is always time enough for courtesy. - Ralph Waldo Emerson If the devil does not exist, and man has created him, he has created him in his own image and likeness. - Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky We can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain It looks easy to break off a bad habit that somebody else has got. - Lemuel K. Washburn Insults - You're a good example of why some animals eat their young. - Jim Samuels Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. - Sir Winston Churchill It's a good rule to follow the first law of holes: if you are in one, stop digging. - Denis Healey Originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself. - James Stephens Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules, and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting. - George Orwell, Shooting an Elephant (1950) Almost everything you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. - Mahatma Gandhi No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do? - Pablo Picasso There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't. - Josh Billings The man with a clear conscience probably has a poor memory. - Laurence Johnston Peter The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is simple: any criticism you give is constructive; any criticism you get is destructive. - Jon Carroll Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Sydney J. Harris Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. - Woody Allen There are none so empty as those who are full of themselves. - English Proverb If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. - H. L. Mencken The worst government is the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression. - H. L. Mencken |